Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Science less than a decade away from fully operational printer


SCIENTISTS will soon develop a home copying machine that is not an absolute pain in the arse, it has been claimed.

This one's good for taking up space and bumping into while carrying hot tea
As experts perfected a method for 'printing' three dimensional objects, the Institute for Studies said the only obstacle now was making a printer to print them with.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "If printer design continues to advance at the current rate, it's likely we'll see a machine that isn't fundamentally incompatible with plain white A4 paper by the year 2021.

"Then we're just a few years away from something that isn't a shit-sucking bastard fucker with the sheer brass balls to describe itself as a printer."

He added: "One leading manufacturer already has a prototype machine, the MasterPrint500, that can successfully print documents of up to 12 pages only 11 of which look like they've been vomited by a child.

"You should see it. Paper goes in plain, paper comes out printed, with only slightly less than 9% reliability. It only needs to become a bit more than 11 times as good and that's us totally sorted for printing."

Stephen Malley, managing director of MasterPrint, said: "It will even accept normal non-printer paper that hasn't been through the special printerisation process that makes it printerified.

"And instead of having its 'drivers' on multiple CDs that disappear into the realm of fairies two hours after you first open the box, you can just plug the thing into a computer and it works."

He said: "Of course, one week after this printer is released we will discontinue its ink cartridges.

"No-one will know why."

this post has nothing to do with an engineer visit tomorrow and a 800 quid bill to fit a new gearbox to on of my printers at work, on the upside the owner has promised to buy me another new machine to run in tandem, clouds and silver linings and all that. just hope i hit the deadline, could be a late night tomorrow...


  1. I have, wait for it, at least 6 printers in boxes which should be perfectly good, but are all shit. Recently bought a Canon MG6150 which so far is great. Give it time.

  2. i threw my 'all-in-one' out a couple of weeks ago, i refuse to have the filthy crappy things in my house anymore. Lexmark can burn in hell.

    love my industrial Kyocera printers in my studio though. just finished a £6.5k job with a good couple of hours to the deadline.

    all i have to do between now and monday is get my 3D LG and not piss Rach' off, y'know, she didn't even flinch when i told her how much it cost, maybe she's planning some horrible horrible pain for me when i'm not expecting it :)